A self portrait honouring my neck.

That might seem weird, but there's a reason. Up until about a year ago I was dealing with chronic neck + shoulder pain and bad muscle spasms related to my job and to the fact that I injured myself 7 or 8 years ago and I didn't properly rest or take care of myself after that injury. I thought I could just "work through it" and it eventually would heal itself (oh the ignorance of fading youth haha.) It got so bad for a couple of years that I realized it was starting to change my personality, which was a bit alarming. I am normally pretty upbeat and I would say I have a decent capacity for holding space for others, but after such a long stretch of being in pain and never getting good sleep, I found I was grumpy most days and I had basically zero patience for anyone. Even for myself. I was so angry at myself, too, because I knew it was my own fault.

But finally, after the stark realization that I would be physically unable to do my job if I didn't get better, I allowed myself to rest, to spend some $$ on massage and physio and a personal trainer. It was a 2-steps-fwd-1-step-back kinda dance for a while, but eventually I started to be able to sleep again - bliss after having gone maybe 4 years without pain-free sleep.

I used to think I was lazy if I slept more than 6 hours, but after the whole neck journey I will never feel guilty for sleeping long nights again. And I will never take my body for granted again. (Or be angry at it for not being a machine!) I'd like to be able to hold a camera up to my face 'til the day I die, so taking care of my body and staying strong has become part of my job now (not in a full-on athlete kinda way, just in a normal-to-fairly-unsporty person kinda way.) I wish I'd figured it out before my late 30s, but better late than never, right?